The Bug: Mommy’s Got a Big Old Butt!
Me: Oh YEAH?
TB: Mommy’s Got a Bit Old Butt!!!
Me: OH YEAH?????
Kate and I love to sing this song like a million times a week. We started sometime over the summer and haven’t stopped since. But since Christmas something’s changed, making me feel just a tad sensitive about all the sassy singing.
You see, I’ve got the baking bug but BAD! Since Thanksgiving I’ve baked everything under the sun, mostly cookies and little cakes and things, but all include pounds of butter and chocolate and nuts and nice things like that. And when you bake nice things there’s an obvious obligation to eat them. I was reading Salon’s TV critic Heather Havrilesky recently who said she feels obligated to gain between five and eight pounds around holiday time, so somehow I got it in my head that it was OK, even obligatory, to do so. After all, I moved from California to Boston this past summer and it’s COLD here. Friggin cold. Like “I’m Mister Icicle” cold and I definitely need more than a coat to keep me warm. I need fat. Like a polar bear. Baking is the best way to achieve that goal. So 50 white chocolate macademia nut cookies later here I am, five pounds heavier last I checked, a long way from my weight over the summer when I survived on ice chips during the July heat wave, which brings me back to that butt song. When Kate and I sing it lately it just makes me paranoid and a little sad, as in.
The BUG: “Mommy’s Got a big ole BUTT!”
Me: “I do? (I crane my neck around in the bathroom mirror to take a peak at my backside) Well, shit it is looking a little wider and I am getting a bigger muffin top these days in my swanky jeans perhaps.)
So we changed the words to “Mommy’s got a cute ole butt!” which makes me feel a little better. Even if it is a lie.
What I would give to not want to eat everything in sight again. But surely there is something about this Godforsaken cold that makes me ravenous. I cannot help myself. Gotta go. I need a cookie.
1 response so far ↓
julie // January 21, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Now she bakes porn -tastic white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for others. Mommy’s big ole butt is going to look smaller when she stands next to my cookie plumped ass!
Best cookies EVER though…